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There’s Something About Noseward
'''There's Something About Noseward '''is the fourth episode of Cult of Squid season four. Transcript (Episode begins in Noseward’s room) Noseward: (sleep talking) why is everything burning? Security: Uh Noseward, I just came to wake you up, why are you talking in your sleep again? Noseward: No idea. I had this weird dream right? The cult was out of power and also on fire, and you were there. Security: Oh! Well I’m going to go see what the good Doctor is up to. (Security walks into Doctor Crayons’ lab and sees a coke bottle with wires attached to it) Security: INITIATOR WHERE ARE YOU?! (The Initiator pops up) The Initiator: You called? Security: Yeah. Hey, where did you come from? The Initiator: That my friend is a secret. Now what do you need? Security: You need to stop leaving your coke bottles around everywhere. The Initiator: Can you prove that’s mine? Security: No. The Initiator: Is there still stuff in there? Security: I think so, yeah. (The Initiator drinks the remaining coke and the machine it was hooked up to explodes; Security heats Doctor Crayons humming outside of the door) Security: SHIT! The Initiator: Hey so now seems like a good time to vanish again. Good luck and don’t die I actually sort of like you. Bye! Security: Oh no you don’t! The Initiator: WE’RE BOTH DEAD. (Cut to Noseward talking to Squidward) Noseward: Brother Squidward, I’ve been having these odd visions lately. Squidward: Oh yeah? Well, please share with the class. (Squidward has a bunch of toddler squids in front of him) Noseward: Why do you have a bunch of children? Squidward: We need to ensure the cult lasts for generations okay? Noseward: Hey kids! It is I, Brother Noseward! Today I had a vision that the cult was on fire! Kid 1: Dooooooooooooooooooooook Kid 2: Uh oh Squidward: Wait what? Noseward: Yeah like there was a bunch of people attacking us and Doctor Crayons set off a bomb and- Squidward: That sounds like the other life. Noseward: What other life? Squidward: Never mind. Where is Security? I need to talk to him. (Cut to Doctor Crayons’ lab as he opens the door and sees Security and The Initiator have ruined his experiment) Security: Oh hi Doctor Crayons! How are you today? Doctor Crayons: Do you mind explaining what the hell happened to my experiment? Security: Hey is that Brother Squidward calling me? Well Initiator, this would appear to be your problem! The Initiator: NO NO NO! (Security runs to Squidward, leaving the Initiator to feel Doctor Crayons’ wrath) The Initiator: So um funny story actually, I just uhhhh Doctor Crayons: YOU’RE DEAD SON! The Initiator: OH SHOOT. (Cut to Security with Noseward and Squidward) Squidward: So uh Security remember how I told you about that time I lived an entirely different life but then struck a deal with Satan and got the cult back in control? Security: Uh vaguely, why sir? Noseward: I’ve been seeing it in my dreams. Security: Yeah, yeah. Squidward: Ah, how very odd. Do we know why? Noseward: No idea. Squidward: Well uh let’s work on figuring that out. But I have an announcement to make to the cult in light of these visions. (Cut to Squidward making an announcement to the cult while standing on his podium) Squidward: My brothers today I must share with you a secr- BROTHER SNOOZY WAKE UP GODDAMMIT! Snoozy: What? Oh I’m just a running joke I’m not important. Squidward: Oh, alright. Well cult, today I want to share something with you. So remember how we beat the Feathered Friends in that big battle a few months ago? Well uh that isn’t what actually happened. See a few months ago we did fight a massive battle, but we lost because we were betrayed by one of our own. I won’t say names but Doctor Crayons what the noises bro?! After we lost, myself and a few others were imprisoned. So how did I get out? Well I uh summoned Satan. Brother Brother: DEAR GOD! Brother Immigrant: You made a deal with the devil to get another chance? Squidward: Yeah, exactly. Brother ICE: Hey, when did you join our ranks Brother Immigrant? Brother Immigrant: Oh sh- Squidward: Thank you all for your time here today. Also, I’ve received word that tomorrow we will initiate a new cult member, so that’s cool. (Episode closes with Squidward heading to bed and as he sleeps, a mysterious amber light shines in the distance outside of his window) Category:Transcripts Category:Cult of Squid Category:Episodes Category:Episode Transcripts Category:2020 Episodes Category:2020 Category:2020 Transcripts